Sheriff Joe Arpaio
Joe Arpaio, Americas toughest Sheriff, is the sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona. April 20, 2009 Nailing * book: "Joe's Law: America's Toughest Sheriff Takes on Illegal Immigration, Drugs and Everything Else That Threatens America" * known as America's toughest sheriff, but can he teach Opie to be a man? * Dr. Colbert has respect for any man who wears a .45 caliber tie clip ** might be loaded * famous for not taking any guff from his prisoners ** instituted chain gangs for both male and female prisoners ** makes them wear pink underwear (so they don't steal them and resell them) ** banned smoking, coffee, movies, pornography, unrestricted TV ** feed the inmates twice a day with meals costing no more than 15 and 20 cents ** has a posse of 3,000 * knowing all of this, Dr. Colbert asks why there are people outside picketing The Eagle's Nest? ** people were chanting things about Joe The Sheriff *** many things rhyme with Arpaio * he has been accused of abusing his power * focuses to much on illegal immigration ** to the detriment of other law enforcement * Joe the Sheriff says they're liars and their accusations are a cop out ** and that he locks up everybody who commits a crime *** which is why Dr. Colbert has him on the show tonight (he doesn't trust some in his Mob) * he doesn't profile ** he can discern people are Hispanicness without using his eyeballs * he won't show his ID to Stephen ** his parents came to America illegally from Italy * has 160 deputies ** received 5 weeks of trained by federal government agencies (ICE, Immigration and Customs) ** any person committing a crime they come across they pursue immigration status as well (according to their "training") * Dr. Colbert asks Joe The Sheriff what behavior he would have to exhibit in order to be suspected of being an illegal immigrant ** Joe The Sheriff lists a few: *** speeding *** cracked window *** DUI ** doesn't ask suspects for ID unless they're already committed a crime * he doesn't just throw people in jail without also asking for ID ** he took an oath to enforce all laws and abide by the Constitution ** he follows all the laws including Habeas Corpus * Joe The Sheriff favors a border wall ** Stephen wants one with a flaming pit of alligators as well ** Mexico may have ladder technology * was regional director of Mexico * still won't show his I.D. ** is carrying a weapon--which might be loaded--giving Sheriff Stephen probable cause to take him in * Dr. Colbert suggests the wall be made out of jails ** when they try to jump over, they fall right in, and you lock the door * he is a Pulitzer Prize winner Joe Arpaio Glorious Achivements * Testifies in court like nobody's business! *Arpaio's Raid left a burned house, a terrified neighborhood and a dead dog for a misdemeanor arrest. Tough Law! *Arpaio arrests un-american traitors *Joe Arpaio: The Man, The Legend, The Law *Joe hires The Hulk and Steven Seagal to watch the border *Joe Arpaio captures the Mexican Chicken Mafia-Ninja Drug Cartel *Arpaio find Obama's real Birth Certificate. *Made Arizona the safest place to get laid External Tubes * Law enforcement traitors * Joe Arpaio long lost twin? * Arpaio's new plan to stop illegals from invading America * Judge Daniel Rozak... Joe Arpaio second long lost twin? *Joe Arpaio to be probed by Communist Government *Arpaio to fight ACORN! *Communist Regime emasculates Joe Arpaio *Joe Arpaio looses authorita!! *Joe Arpaio captures dangerous female terrorist! *People sings Joe Arpaio's praises *Saying sorry is for pussies *Joe Arpaio to fight off hippie threat *Joe Arpaio wins popular support *Joe Arpaio: "I AM THE LAW" *Evidence that Joe Arpaio needs unlimited powers to fight off crime! *Joe Arpaio arrests supreme terrorist leader! *Joe Arpaio defends the use of minions *Joe Arpaio hires new deputies *Obama declares war against Joe Arpaio. Arpaio arrest foregin usurper *Joe Arpaio to establish an armed militia to combat Illegals *Joe Arpaio only sheriff that believes in the Free Market *Joe Arpaio takes down The Man *Joe Arpaio holds first "Prison Idol" event *McDonalds already taken over by Mexicans! *Joe Arpaio continue to work hard to stop Mexicans from invading America *The life of Joe Arpaio